Will Rogers's Quotes
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And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!...Will Rogers
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A fool and his money are soon elected.
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A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice
the goods while the policeman searches you.
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All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's
an alibi for my ignorance.
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America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a
novelty. I will belong to the select few.
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An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody
else's.
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're
paying for.
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Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can
find a rock.
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Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if
you just sit there.
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Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
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Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to
somebody else.
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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with
the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
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I am not a member of any organized political party.
I am a Democrat.
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I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for
calling him "father."
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I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off
everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to
take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself
you forget to hate your enemies.
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I never expected to see the day when girls would get
sunburned in the places they now do.
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I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I
started out with twenty-eight years ago.
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If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving
their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't
have to advertise them.
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If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek
once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get
wet you can keep.
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In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough
to be in the Olympics in the day time.
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Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning,
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting
anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the
Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the
smartest race of people on earth.
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It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your
parrot to the town gossip.
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Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
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Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
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Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had
one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had
one since Lincoln.
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One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
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Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
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The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the
Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the
way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get
it without even asking.
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The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
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The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular
fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can
see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody
believe that he has it.
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The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
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The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president.
All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the
president?"
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The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit
that each party is worse than the other.
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The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip
about them.
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Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
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There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him
off the thing he was educated in.
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in
session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
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We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
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What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
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When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised
the I.Q. of both states.
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You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because
that's where the fruit is.
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And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody.
You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny
or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you
can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they
make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law,
it's a joke!
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here is a link to ...Mark Twain's quotes
and one to...FUNNY COMMEDIANS
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